On Sunday, July 13, 1980, Parade Magazine published the following interesting cover:
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| McAfee | Parade Magazine |
The ideal candidate would have James Monroe's hair (Monroe had an stunning widow's peak, and beautiful gray hair.), James Madison's nose and John F. Kennedy's smile. The candidate would also have Rutherford B. Hayes' brow and eyes (Hayes is shown here at a young age and before he entered politics.). To round out the image, the designer chose Herbert Hoover's jawline (at the age of 24). And to give the candidate a little personality and individualism, he included Harry Truman's bow tie (Truman was regarded as one of the best-dressed presidents.).
I thought the whole concept was very clever, but the more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that it was a very, very bad idea. When you piece people together like that, you're playing Dr. Frankenstein, and you know where that leads!
I procured a stack of presidential engravings and went to work creating my own candidate. I chose Franklin Pierce's hair (sexy, wind-blown), Lyndon B. Johnson's ears and jawline (masculine), Ulysses S. Grant's eyes (soulful), Jimmy Carter's smile (engaging) and Richard M. Nixon's tie (conservative). Oh, this should be lovely!
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| Mark D. Ruffner, 1980 |
What that LBJ's nose as well? Anyway, he's got my vote for sure.
ReplyDelete--Road to Parnassus
Hello, Parnassus - You're partly right — I merged LBJ's nose with U. S. Grant's. (Now, there's something blog about!) I'm glad you like my "down-to-earth" candidate; I think he's trustworthy.
DeleteDear Mark, I think that you have resurrected Pierre Salinger. Still, I'm not going to vote for your man. Clever and fun post. Gina
ReplyDeleteDear Gina - I think my candidate looks a little like the late Senator Edmund Muskie. I'm so sorry he doesn't get your vote. Perhaps if we find a beautiful running mate?
DeleteDear Mark, you have a prestidigious talent with the computer - but that is one scary face - I would not like to meet him on a dark night?
ReplyDeleteNot to worry, Rosemary. He puts on his slippers and stays home at night, much to the dismay of his handlers.
DeleteApologies Mark, for using both a wrongly spelt and incorrect word. Should read (skilful) - I was so busy trying to make out those awful - “please prove you're not a robot”, that I took my eye off what I had written.
DeleteI know what you mean — I'm beginning to think that a robot might have better luck deciphering those words than I!
DeleteHe has my vote!
ReplyDeleteThanks for entering this straw poll, Stefan. So far, he's got about a 50/50 chance.
DeleteBrilliant! The Parade cover looks like a guy we might know, but yours, well - let's just say I hope he doesn't run. He scares me.
ReplyDeleteHi, Alan - Actually, I'm thinking that the old Parade cover looks a little like Mitt Romney (with a different hair style). I was reading an interesting editorial not too long ago that said that while most candidates want to look presidential, Mitt Romney's challenge is the opposite - to appear more like the man on the street.
DeleteHi Mark
ReplyDeleteYour candidate's fragrance is probably old spice? Does he have a name?
Hi, Linda - A great question! And since he is, after all, an amalgam, our candidate's name is Thomas Richard Harrison. That's the formal for every Tom, Dick and Harry.
DeleteThat is so funny Mark. You are hilarious! Wish you were writing a daily humor column--then I could start off every day with a great laugh. Did you ever do stand up comedy??
DeleteI'm glad I could give you a laugh! Unfortunately, neither my face nor my mind is pliable enough to do stand up comedy. But my presidential montage did make its debut in the column of a wonderful Times humorist named Dick Bothwell. His column appeared every Monday morning under the title "B.U.M. (Brighten Up Monday)." He would have agreed with me that we all need to laugh at least 10 times a day, and not just on Mondays!
DeleteI think he looks like Martin Scorsese. Especially about the eyebrows.
ReplyDeleteDr. Frankenstein, you're being paged! :)
I should have known you'd compare him to a movie director! (But I do see what you mean about the eyebrows. :o)
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